Spam Roundup
A breakdown of the weekend’s spam, by category:
TOTAL MESSAGES: 39
PENIS ENLARGEMENT: 7. Four of them begin bluntly with the line, “You need a bigger dick.” I always thought I was doing okay, but jeez, seven messages in one weekend? Statistically speaking, I think that at least some of those have to be from ex-girlfriends.
ONLINE PHARMACY: 11. Three of them were specifically for anti-impotence drugs. The rest just sort of implied that I could buy Viagra online for cheap without really needing a prescription. But seriously, who cares if my tiny cock is also limp? That’s like complaining that your Kia doesn’t have a turbo boost button.
GAMBLING SITES: 7. I guess they figure that if I’m dumb enough to drop the cash at online pharmacies to try and salvage my worthless penis, then I’m also the moron with disposable income that they’ve been looking for.
INTERNET DATING: 10. For the record, the only online gambling I do is on dating sites, so they actually pegged me pretty well here. But until I get my pecker working, I’m not going to subject myself to that kind of humiliation.
CHEAP SOFTWARE: 2. How did they know I owned a computer???!?
FAKE ROLEX: 1. I’m glad to see that the counterfeit jewelry business is still out there, but judging from their lack of spam, I’m concerned that they may have fallen on hard times.
And I’m just going to post the last message in its entirety, which I’m pretty sure was sent from Pat Robertson’s Regent University:
- – - – -
From: Percy Dickens
Subject: Hate Study?
Good News!
Interested to obtain Bachelors’, Masters’, MBA’s, Doctorate & Ph.D. degrees
available in your field in 2 weeks time?
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1-413-280-6792
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